How To Tell Your Friend She's Dating a Loser

You get the phone call. It's your friend rambling on about someone she met at the bar the night before. She is sure not to miss a single juicy detail about the evening or the person that she seems to have fallen head over heels for within a few hours and a few drinks. Sometimes it can be dismissed as a one-night stand, but sometimes, hours turn into days, which turn into weeks.

Finally, you meet this so-called Mr. Wonderful, but in the end, you're left scratching head wondering, "What the hell does my friend see in this person?" He's rude, controlling, thoughtless and sometimes, downright mean. Sometimes he has no ambition, no goals and empties your friend's bank account. Let's face it. We've all been there. It's your job, as the good friend that you are, to let your friend know that she is, in fact, dating a loser.

It's never easy to tell a friend something she doesn't want to hear, especially when it comes to significant others. What you're saying can come across as mean, jealous or even spiteful. Keep these tips in mind when confronting your loser-magnet friend.

1. Be understanding. Start off this awkward conversation by letting your friend know that you understand how much she cares for her boyfriend. This will show your friend that you aren't just attacking her, but that you are also taking into account her feelings. It also demonstrates that you understand this is a serious relationship and you don't take it lightly.
2. Be understood. In addition to letting your friend know that you understand her, try to make her understand you as well. Let her know that you have something to tell her that is hard to say. It might be a good idea to let her know that you are only telling her this because you are her friend and want what's best for her. It may seem cliche, but if it weren't true, you wouldn't be reading this article.
3. Bombs away! Drop the bomb. Now, I am by no means suggesting that you flat out tell your friend, "Hey! That guy you're dating is a total loser." While this type of statement will definitely get a reaction, it isn't the kind you're looking for. I would say something along the lines of, "I have some concerns about you dating 'X," and just wanted to make sure you're happy."
4. Role reversal. Once you've dropped the bomb, try changing the roles a little bit. Explain to your friend how you see her significant other. Maybe you're concerned that he can't keep a steady job. Maybe you've noticed that she pays for everything for him, including rent and other bills. Or maybe you've been noticing him making rude comments to your friend. Either way, this will give you a chance to express any concerns and maybe your friend will enlighten you on something you are overlooking. This is your time to tell your friend that she is dating a loser, but in much nicer terms.
5. Offer suggestions. Now that you've come clean about how you feel toward that "special" person in your friend's life, hopefully her eyes are now open. It's important to listen and discuss the topic at hand with your friend. Is it something that she would like to resolve with her partner or would she like to end the relationship? Either way, offer suggestions as to how to do that.

It's never easy to give a friend the dating advice that she is dating a loser. Remember to keep an open mind, be understanding and try not to attack your friend's choice of men. A lot of people feel that it isn't their place to tell their friends they are making a bad choice, but you will be saving them a lot of heartache in the long run. And you know how the saying goes, "You'll thank me for this one day."